If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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