Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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