So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
