i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
