I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
