I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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