I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
