so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
