I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
