I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
