I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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