oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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