Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
