bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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