It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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