I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
