dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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