it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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