Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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