Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
