That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
