happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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