It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
