Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
