The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
