I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
