u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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