She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
