As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
