i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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