How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
