Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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