it wasn't lemon gatorade
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
