Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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