is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
