I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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