Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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