The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
