dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
