Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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