There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
