I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
