You smell like a Billy Joel song
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Even my vagina gasped.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
