all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
