if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drake has all the answers
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
