I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
