he was CRYING into my vagina
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
