I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
