Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
