I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
